Survival

Well, I still had the remainder of the week booked off as vacation anyway, so I was determined I would get through this just like my other medical challenges.  How long could it last, really.  I was strong, athletic and tough.  I was pretty much confined to the couch or the bedroom for the week.  I lay there and watched movies being too uncomfortable to focus on reading for any length of time.  I took some Tylenol 3's I found remaining in the cupboard from a previous surgery.  I took Advil.  I drank Scotch, Vodka, I drank wine.  I drank them along with the drugs.  My husband found a foot bath and set it up in the family room for me to use.  I had my feet in it constantly trying to stop the cramping.  When it was time for bed he used duct tape and taped my feet to some small 2 x 4's he found in the garage, he taped my hands to DVD covers to help ease the cramping.  This is how I was going to get through the two weeks ahead.  Drugs, booze, paraffin wax treatments, foot baths, the jacuzzi, duct tape and the love and devotion of my husband.  Unfortunately, the phone rang.  It was John's eldest daughter informing him that the youngest was at the school office, apparently afraid she had broken her ankle.  You see, John and I were only recently married.  August 2008 in fact was the date.  We still owned two houses.  One in Oakville, where he and his daughters lived, along with myself for the last few months.  I still had my house in Richmond Hill, fully furnished, just as I left it a few months ago.  John's youngest daughter was finishing her final year at high school in Oakville and his oldest was at Wilfred Laurier University in Waterloo.  My oldest daughter was living downtown and my youngest was attending Nippissing University in North Bay.  John worked in Mississauga, 25 minutes from their house in Oakville.  I still worked in Concord, 10 minutes from my house in Richmond Hill, 45 minutes to an hour to 1.5 hours from Oakville depending on the day.  Now, I was in Richmond Hill where I was most comfortable, his daughters Oakville.  So, after the panic phone call, he left and met them at the emergency room in Mississauga.  Sure enough Johanna's ankle was broken.  Here was John, now looking after Jo in Oakville and me in Richmond Hill.  I couldn't even cook for myself.  So he drove.  He stayed in Oakville, worked in Mississauga and drove to Richmond Hill at night to make sure I was fed, surviving and drove back to Oakville.  The strange thing was, I wasn't getting any better.  I just learned the best way to cope and survive.  Scared, for sure.  I called in sick for the second week.  It was March, our company's year end was March 31st.  I was the accountant, controller, the one and only they had.  At least being overly organized, everything at the office was ready for my return.  I wasn't going to be too far behind by missing a couple of weeks, but only a couple of weeks, no longer.  Okay, I made it through the two weeks, but I was no better, I still couldn't walk.  I went back to see the Rheumatologist, he still thought it was a virus, but ordered a bone scan just to be sure.  Now I had to figure out how I was going to get back to work.  Monday morning, with braces on both legs and the use of a cane, I crawled into the office up two flights of stairs.  There I sat churning out numbers as fast as possible while popping Advil like candy.  I'd work as long as I could stand it and then leave only to return the next day.  John was travelling back and forth from Oakville to Richmond Hill.  He would get me groceries, feed me when he was there and head back to Oakville.  He would try and spend one night a week with me and take me to Oakville for the weekends.  This was our routine.  Jo was going to be in a cast for six weeks at least and then would have physiotherapy following.  My two weeks turned into six and there was still no improvement.  The Rheumatologist said the bone scan was fine, he would refer me to a Physiatrist.  I went back to my family doctor.  He just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know.  "Come back in a couple of weeks if your still not better".  I knew then I was going to have to look after myself.  John kept looking on the internet for a cause, a name to put to the symptoms.  Somehow it became so important to give it a name.  If it had a name we could find a treatment.  Everything had the same symptoms.  MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lyme Disease, Diabetes, and many, many others.  We weren't doctors, just hypochondriac internet junkies.  So, I decided to take the matter into my own hands.  I made it through year end at work, not well, no more than a few hours a day, but I did it.  My symptoms were getting worse.  The office staff would wheel me around using my office chair so I could go to the bathroom or sit in the lunch room.  They all took turns getting me ice packs and coffee.  I was helpless on my own but I was surviving.  The weekends in Oakville were taxing, I was trying to keep smiling, laughing, putting on a false face for the girls.  I felt guilty and began to wonder if it was all just in my head. The blood tests showed nothing was wrong.  The bone tests showed some Osteoarthritis, but I was not a wimp.  I knew something was wrong. Prior to this I was very happy, extremely active, devoted to my job and my new family.  In our short time together we had travelled to Antigua, Mexico, Spain, attained our Scuba licenses, taken Tai Kwon Do and Piano lessons together and spent weekends at the cottage in the summer.  We packed up my stuff, all my clothes and moved me back to Richmond Hill.  We would live in two houses until Johanna finished school for the summer or I suddenly, magically, healed.